HA...eye opener this morning for relationships!

THIS...this is what so many have told me I need to be doing.  I think I get it now! 

In my email this morning I stopped to read this email from Rori Raye - Have the Relationship You Want.  I get them daily I think but I've never really stopped to read through an entire one. 

Step Back - away from the phone, the email, the initiating affection, attention, sex and dates - and turn your focus on YOURSELF.

And, I need to be doing this: Instead of working so hard at the relationship, I worked hard on myself and on the rest of my life. I told myself that I’d be all right no matter what, and that if I stuck to my own plan, I’d have the relationship I wanted, even if it wasn’t with him.

We (women) are so much more vocal about our feelings and emotions.  And then when they (men) don't respond in the same way, it freaks us out.  It 's not gonna happen that way...stop spilling your heart & expecting the same in return.  Men just aren't wired that way.

I read this & it made so much sense!! 

One of the ways I was chasing men was in Overfunctioning, Overgiving, Over Nurturing, and generally making the man the center of my life.

Even though I was very, very busy in my professional life (I was an actress always doing plays, going on auditions and filming when I got a job), whatever man I was with STILL FELT like the absolute center of my world.

HE and my romantic life were just head and shoulders the most important thing. And that's just about the worst mistake any one of us can make.

HERE'S A LETTER from "Lillian," exactly how she wrote it and sent it to me, and she really shows us how easy it is to fall into that mistake:

Q. Hi Rori,
I have a boyfriend of 4 months. I love him verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry much and he loves me. But my problem is that I can't control my feelings (I tell him "I love you" all the time, sending him amazing mails and messages - but he DOESN'T). He told me several times I love you but not as much as I do. For example, I sent him a lovely email yesterday. I checked my mail but I didn't find anything back at all!?!! I went to my computer and the passion filled me - I wanted to receive a mail from him but THERES NOTHING !!! SO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO? "Lillian"

A. Because Lillian's situation is so common to so many of us, and because she expresses the pain and frustration of it so well, I asked to answer it here.

It's really helpful to see how Lillian's situation is a perfect example of an Imaginary Relationship.

An Imaginary Relationship, as opposed to a Real Relationship, is where YOU feel like you're already to the end point of the relationship - where it's all signed, sealed and delivered - even before you have any real indication from him about where HE'S at. Where you can't help CHASING him, because you need him to hurry up and get to where you already are on the Relationship Timeline. (The Relationship Timeline is what I call the whole experience with a man from the moment you meet him until you walk off into the sunset with him, fully committed.)