It does feel good to let go...

Sad too b/c it's like I have given up on what he made it sound like we would be.  I have to remember that it wasn't going to be that, ever.  It couldn't be...he hadn't been the kind of man I need for quite some time.  I have to remember too that you can't change a person. I thougth though that I would be enough that he would want to change for me, but that can't happen either.  Not if that person doesn't really want the change for themself.  You have to want it to make it happen!  You're not going to do the work or put forth the effort if you don't really want it! 

So, in the end letting go was the only thing I could do b/c it was weighing me down.  The negativity that he had and projected out in every way, it was too much for me to bear.  It was bringing me down and that's not fair to me for such the happy and light perosn I've always been and definitely not fair to my son.  So, while I'm sad in some ways to have said goodbye, it's a door I should have left closed for both our sakes and this time it is closed for good.  Good luck and may you find the light and love that you so need in your life.  I will get mine back and keep on moving forward.  Each day the wounds heal a little more.

When I just saw this on FB, it was perfect for how it's felt for me to let go of this relationship and the negativity put off by my ex boyfriend that was seeping into me.

 

Oftentimes letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We let go and walk away not because we want the universe to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth. -

via: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/07/30/12-things-to-know-before-letting-go/

 

I am worth so much more...

THANK YOU for showing your true colors to me just one more time so that I could finally see that things were never going to change.  I AM WORTH SO MUCH more than to be called a cunt, whore, bitch, fat, ugly, piece of trash, nigger lover...My son is not a mongaloid, piece of trash or douchebag as you called him!  Take yourself on down the road and try to find another woman that will take care of you the way that I did, love you the way I did & put you on this pedestal, put up with what I did for as long as I did and would have made you a very happy man for the rest of your life!  All I asked for was that you get a job, contribute to the household, to give up the drinking, to be a responsible grown man.  So I say once again, THANK YOU for your drunken rants and texts that have opened my eyes.  I finally realized that by me letting you go, it was not throwing a person away as I felt like people were telling me to do for so long.  It was me realizing that you would never be willing to take the steps to make the changes for anything good or positive to ever come from the relationship, from your life.  You don't love or respect yourself or me enough from the actions you have shown. 

Your demons, your lies and negative thoughts are too big for you and FAR too big for me.