Hits you out of nowhere sometimes

Some of us  love out pets HARD!  I will never not love them hard and no matter how sad it is to say goodbye, I will always get another and give it a wonderful life full of love, a soft bed, husbelly rubs, cookies and so much praise!  You hear people say they just can't bear to go through the pain of losing another pet & I think how can you bear to go through life knowing the difference you could have made for another pet?!

I was shopping in Target one day, looking at the Christmas ornaments, because let's be honest, you never have enough.  (I literally have given away so many over the years)!  Just bought myself 4 new ones yesterday! HA...Hubby was like why is it that this time of year when you are supposed to be buying gifts, you're out here buying Christmas ornaments for yourself.  Well, Ok...should I take them off the tree & we'll put them in my stocking? I mean I'm ok with that.

Anyways, back to Target...they had little felted dogs!  I saw one that was missing an eye and started to pass it up & it hit me - this ornament is perfect!  It's perfect like my Georgia girl was with her one eye.  I had to say goodbye to my girl this year on June 30th.  She came to me in March 2013 at 2 years old & has been my little love ever since!  She was my angel face as I called her.  We had a terrible accident with a foster dog and she ended up losing an eye.  I was so thankful when we got to take her home from Blue Pearl, it was the only time I'd gone there and got to take one of my fluff bottoms home.  I was so thankful for them and the work they did on my girl. 

So, this perfect ornament is hanging on our tree & will proably forever be my favorite.  2023, the year my angel face became whole once again.  

The days are long but the years are short

As we celebrated our seniors this past week it's just one more reminder that this chapter will soon be coming to an end.  

Game was an exciting one!  WHERE do they get these refs?  I mean were they even watching the field?  Can't tell you how many times our boys got mowed over!  Coach even got a red card when he let the refs know he saw that.  It really was unbelieveable watching Derek get shoved, Ayden mowed down & stepped on & the way they took Julian down.  CRAZY

Woman * Mother * Wife

There's this struggle between being a Mom and getting your kid to understand that you are more than just a mom! Though that is a HUGE part of who you are, you have likes, habits, character traits they aren't going to like & you're going to do things they don't agree with or like. 

I was a boy crazy little girl who loved to play outside & get dirty, I loved my Strawberry Shortcake dolls.  I grew up to be a teenager who loved bubble gum, clothes and purses!  I had so many purses and changed them everyday to match my outfits!  My first job was working at The Gap, I was at the mall pretty well every day and yes, I was still boy crazy in those teen years.  Then I was a twenty something & found what would turn out to be the industry I would spend the better part of my life working in, Property Manageent, I loved music! Babyface, Mariah Carey, 98 Degrees were just a few of my favorites.  I loved the movies Poetic Justice, Boys in the Hood and Menace to Society. In the mid to late 90's, I was at the bars a lot!  This is when I met my 1st husband, my son's father.  I was 28 when we got married & I finally started to settle down.  At 32 I had my son and my life changed for ever.  He was my everything and I was with him every minute if I wasn't at work.  Changing his clothes, forever a camera in my hand and in his face.  Scrapbooked this little person I'd been blessed with in full force!  My world was my son, he was my everything.  My marriage would be put 2nd to my son and it dried up and I fell out of love.  I started down the road to divorce at 38 in 2011 and was on a roller coaster for awhile trying to navigate these changes inside of me and my feelings.  I was divorced in 2012 and still a mother and was finding myself as a person again.  

I would meet my 2nd husband in 2013 on match and we moved from the house my son came home from the hospital too and our world changed.  I was happy, my son seemed happy & was adjusting to live in this new town with new people.  He started in a new school, started playing every sport & deciding what he liked and wanted to do.  He was an amazing little artist, always had been!  But now he was falling into his love of music and sports too.  Fast forward and he stuck with soccer, movies really became a passion and here we are in his senior year os high school.  HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE?  I truly do not know how this has all gone so fast!  

As he is really coming into himself, preparing for "the real world" he has become very judemental about who I am and how I live my life.  As I had to tell him, I am an adult and can do as I want.  When he is an adult, he can do the same.  We need to keep our optinions, our judgements to ourselves.  I am seeing my son is just as critical of others as I am and am learning that sometimes we really do need to keep those opinions to ourselves.  

I am not just your mom, but I am a wife and a woman too.  I am so much all rolled into this body & I'm not proud my everything about myself or who I can be at times, but I love me.  I love all of me and I am a work in progress as we all are.  Everything I've done and where I've been has made me who I am and I will never stop growing and changing.  I hope to drop some of the bad and pick up more of the good along the way.  

Small town life rocks!

 Ten years ago my son and I moved to this small town starting a new chapter after divorce.  What a blessing it's been to be part of this small community.  So many things have been different in the way he was able to have more freedom to roam as a kid compared to what life would have been in the bigger city we came from.

You feel like you're in a Hallmark movie when you're at our Homecoming parade and pep rally in our small town. I've never experienced anything like it before and I'm going to miss this. This is my son's senior year, the last year after so many years of riding on floats year after year for the sport he's been playing.  

There is nothing like a small town and the feeling of community it can bring.

No way of replacing a pet, but sometimes another pet can soften the loss

I really didn't know that my time with Georgia would be coming up this year in January of 2023 when I saw the post for a mama dog and her 8 puppies in need of a foster home. 

We decided it was time to give it another go and so I scheduled to come get them that weekend.  Riley and her 8 puppies came home and we got them set up & we were in love.  The day came to say goodbye to the puppies and in true foster mom fashion, I cried as I do verytime we say goodbye to a foster and we took the puppies to KC Pet Project as they would be getting spaid/neutered and ready for adoption.  We would keep Riley with us until it was time for her surgery and if she was adopted she would go to her new home at that time, or would we keep her or let her spend the rest of her time back at the shelter.  This was a decision we would have to make and we chose to keep her with us.  I didn't want to send her to a kennel when she could continue to stay here & enjoy free roaming with our pups.  It really would depend on if she could get more adjusted to the cats and stop chasing, and learn to coexist with them.

She did great & the decision was made that she would come back after surgery!  My husband and I dropped her off and of course I cried as she was being led away from us but looking back. We reassured her we'd be back for her.  I got to go back that evening and when I picked her up, I knew in my heart that I would never let her go but I kept making videos and posts for #adoptriley 

As Georgia was slowly failing more and more with the degenerative hip thing she had going on and the dragging of her legs was starting to cause for a soar on her leg, I knew we couldn't let this continue. The days were getting hotter and she would get out to the back yard and unable to get back up the stairs to come in and cool off, some days I was leaving work early worried about her & wanting to make sure she wasn't stuck out there in the heat.  June 7th we pulled the trigger and made Riley a Dudley!  I knew time was getting closer to say goodbye to Georgie, so adding a 5th dog to our pack now it would go back to 4 soon. 

By that last week of June it became clear in June that the call had to be made and so I scheduled for our vet, Dr. Nottingham, to come and put our sweet girl down so she could cross the rainbow bridge on June 30, 2023.

These were taken with my girl on her last day.  I loved that little dog more than anything and I always called her my angelface. 

As we are coming up on the 3 month mark since that day of goodbye, I have realized how much it's helped having Riley to love on and comfort me with the aching I feel for Georgia.  I miss my girl and the pup she was.  There will never be another that can replace my sweet Georgia, but Riley has helped in healing my heart from the loss. I am so thankful for a husband that is on board with fostering and said yes to that family of pups in January 2023. 

 

                                        

           

Who am I?

 I've been thinking about this a lot lately with my son graduating high school after this school year.  Even my email signature block says "Tanner's Mom".  I've been known as "Tanner's Mom" for so many years now and it's almost like you lose yourself in that.  My life doesn't center only around my son, I have a husband, a career, I'm a dog and cat mom, I have interests - but really I'm feeling a little sad about this HUGE chapter coming to an end.

One day about 6 months ago I guess it was, Tanner asked me if I look forward to anything.  I thought it was an interesting question.  I do I said, I look forward to what's to come for Dave and I once we are empty nesters, what Tanner will do after high school, eventually getting married and starting his own family one day.  There is a lot to look forward too.  

I guess I need to go back to that day, to that mindset and really define myself.  Define what this next chapter will look like and "who" I'll be.

Life doesn't stop, it just keep moving and we have to move and change with it.  The only thing constant is change.  

Senior year...let's go!

 I'm still not sure how we are already here!  I say already here, and yes it took many years to get here, but the point is - THEY FLEW BY!!  You really have no idea how fast they're going to go when you start!

Tanner started Kindergarten Aug 17, 2011 and yesterday he started his senior year of high school - August 18, 2023.

I'm not really ready for this roller coaster of emotions school year, but I don't have a choice so I'll buckle up, grab the tissues & get ready to soak it all in and smile through the tears that I know will come more than once.  So thankful God chose me to be his mom and that I'm here for this ride!

I love you more than you could ever know son. Well, I imagine someday when you become a parent you'll have a better understanding. 

Journaling and cancer - writing 30 minutes a day in May for the American Cancer Society

 

Jouraling...I started writing when I was in elementary school and continued into my early 30's.  I'm not sure when I stopped, but here I am at 50 & I'm going to pick it back up! I'm getting ready to start a write 30 minutes a day in May to fundraiser to raise money for The American Cancer Society. 

My fundraiser is pinned to the top of my Facebook page & you'll find that here:

https://www.facebook.com/holly.taylordudley/

Cancer took my Dad from us on June 25, 1994. It's hard to believe it's been almost 29 years since I got to hug my dad and to hear his voice. Cancer treatment has come such a long way in that time & I believe one day they will have a cure. No more families will lose dads, moms, kids etc...We won't lose friends, husbands or wives.  Imagine a world free of from cancer. 

How has cancer affected you?  Who have you watched go through the treatments that beat that ugly disease?  Or have you too lost someone to cancer?

This was my Dad, Denny Taylor