Monday, July 29, 2013

Cancer sucks!

Heartbroken this morning at the news of a friends' Dad being diagnosed with cancer.  They lost their Mom to cancer and now their Dad has inoperable lung cancer.  Cancer just SUCKS and we've gotta find a cure to kill this nasty disease!  Too many taken from it already and more to come if we can't find a cure for it. 

Friday, July 26, 2013

Carnival Fun!

The Eudora Carnival was going on & we took the kids last night.  All of us had a great time, even conquered a few fears!  Well, not quite...but I did ride a ride that I normally would not!  Maybe next year for Tanner!  Or we could go back tonight for another try!


 A great night full of fun memories!  Oh and four pooped bodies heading home to bed!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

So much to think about

After seeing the papers my ex had drawn up, there is no way I'm signing over my rights to giving up my time with Tanner.  If I give up my time as I have it now, I'm never going to get it back!  He has told me he knows he needs to be with his Mama b/c I'm his Mama & I carried him in my belly.  I have been the one that has always been the main parent in his life.  Chad was never there when he was little and until just before I was on the road to divorce in 2011, he really didn't do much one on one with Tanner.  I think it was 2010 when we started doing Bunco & it was at that time that I would go out with the girls every once in awhile that he actually was having the one on one time with Tanner.  It finally started to where they were actually going and doing things and then having sleep overs once Chad moved to his Mom's. 

Tanner is such an outgoing kid, just like his Mama & Grandma Jo, that I know he will do great in Eudora!  He loved the school the day we went & checked it out and he got to go inside and see the school.  He even met the Principal from last year.  She's moving to the district office so will no longer be there, but she promised to look for him & to say hi when she comes over. 

He has so much fun when we are at the house, when the other kids are there too and when we were at the picnic a couple weeks ago he was gone and playing with the kids there.  I didn't hardly see him he was having such a good time!  He'd bring me a snowcone to hold every once in a while or tell me about what he was doing & that was about it.  He asked for a playdate with Branden (his Mom said he did too).  Just as I moved in 1st, 4th and 9th grade and had no problems fitting in and making new friends - Tanner will be just fine too! 

It's strange that he didn't care about getting 50/50 time a year ago, but now that I'm moving on with my life he is fighting me for it.  I guess he's just finally realized that Tanner is really at an age that is more enjoyable for him so he wants more time...He always said he didn't like the younger age/phases.

There are people talking about influences on Tanner...funny that smoking would be brought up as any kind of issue.  Chad & I both smoked and Tanner knows this. We both started smoking in high school, well maybe Chad was after in the Navy, I can't remember...Both of our Dad's smoked & Chad's niece and nephew had grown up around their grandpa smoking & it was OK for them.  Chad has friends that smoke & Tanner has been around that since he was born.  Chad's even got friends that smoke pot in their garages of their own homes WITH THEIR KIDS IN THEIR HOUSES! 

My son knows it's a bad habit, we talk about it all the time.  Dave will even tell you it's a bad habit and don't start.  He also knows it's no use to tell his own son he CAN'T smoke b/c as we all were at that age - you tell us we CAN'T do something & we're hell bent on doing it!  Tell him it's a terrible habit to start and don't do it, I wish you wouldn't do it, I wish I'd of never started it myself...yes.  We've both told him that! But he's going to find a way to get them (not from us buying them for him) and will do it regardless of what he's told. 

Funny b/c I guarantee you that these people would never say my Dad or Chad's dad were bad influences.  Mind you they both chain smoked, my Dad got a DWI at one time, I'd seen him drunker than a skunk and my ex father in law drank like a fish!  All he really ever drank was beer and coffee.   So if anyone is going to say that smoking makes you a bad role model, then they are saying that our Dad's were bad role models to their kids, grandkids etc.  Look at the world & what is out there  that our children see and hear everyday.  TV, music, movies...I know my ex and I are way more lenient on what we let Tanner watch than most!  Are we bad influences?  I can remember seeing Animal House & Blues Brothers in the movie theater with my dad!  I was watching Saturday Night Live on TV at Tanner's age!  Those were the days of Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, John Belushi, Bill Murray, Dan Akroid, Jane Curtain, Glida Raddner...HOLY SMOKES, that was so wholesome now was it!?

My funny how we are really not like sisters at all.  We're 6 years apart and the only time we were close was when we were little.  Helen moved out to college when I was in 5th grade.  Since having her own family she's not been around much.  Especially as the girls have gotten older & her husband keeps her to himself as much as he can.  He always has.  It's funny b/c he's really changed her too.  They think they are better than so many & were calling my husband and his family white trash after the wedding.  Didn't like my ex father in law b/c he smoked.  I can remember my birthday one year standing outside Olive Garden and my brother in law shooting daggers at David as we waited outside for something b/c he was smoking & talking.  They always were giving dirty looks at my ex husband too b/c of his laugh.  Like it was embarrassing for Jeff, my brother in law.  Well - my sister has taken things to a whole new level and is reaching out to my ex and talking badly about me.  The saying blood is thicker than water is not true from what I'm experiencing. 

If I'm not living my life to what's acceptable to her, it doesn't work.  Funny though, they never let the girls come to our first house and we didn't even get to have them spend the night for the first time until the twins were like 10!  CRAZY to think your sister thinks so little of you and your husband (at the time) to even let  her kids come around you...

Another life cut short by drugs

Cory Monteith was found in a hotel room over the weekend and reports have come back that it was heroin and alcohol.  Sad to see another young life cut short.  I think of Heath Ledger, River Phoenix,  Amy Winehouse, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Whitney Houston. Hard to think that anything can have such control over us that we can't stop using or doing it, but it's true. 
Glee won't be the same without him!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Wild at Heart - Gloriana

Love this song...

Wild At Heart lyrics


Down a back road
Long, hot summer
A couple kids runnin' loose and wild
He kissed her
She said mister,
Take an inch and I'll give you a mile

I ain't here to do anything half-way
Don't give a damn what anyone might say
I just wanna free fall for a while

That rebel moon is shinin'
Those stars burn like diamonds
Hell bent on chasin' down that crazy slide
I'll follow you where you're leading
To the first sweet taste of freedom
You got me runnin' baby,
Wild at heart

About midnight, he tells her
I ain't got no come-on lines
Well I love you, or I'll try to
We got nothing to lose but time

Stick your hand into my back pocket
Light me up like a bottle rocket
I just wanna free fall for a while

That rebel moon is shinin'
Those stars burn like diamonds
Hell bent on chasin' down that crazy slide
I'll follow you where you're leadin'
To the first sweet taste of freedom
You got me runnin' baby,
Wild at heart

O-oh, alright
Tonight is tellin' us we're way too young

O-oh, that's alright
I've got forever on the tip of my tongue

That rebel moon is shinin'
Those stars burn like diamonds
Hell bent on chasin' down that crazy slide
I'll follow you where you're leading
To the first sweet taste of freedom
You got me runnin' baby,
Wild at heart

That rebel moon is shinin'
Those stars burn like diamonds
Hell bent on chasin' down that crazy slide
I'll follow you where you're leading
To the first sweet taste of freedom
You got me runnin' baby,
You got me runnin' baby,
Wild at heart

O-oh, alright.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Zimmerman Trial

 No, I've really not followed much on this, but as I'm reading this today, it really makes me say hmmm...WTHeck?!

Think about it: We're told over and over that if Zimmerman was afraid of Martin, according to Florida law, he had the right to put a bullet in the chamber of his concealed handgun, get out of his car after being told not to by the 911 dispatcher and follow and confront Martin and shoot him to death.
At the same time, we are told that Martin, who had far greater reason to fear Zimmerman, practically and for reasons of American history, did not have the right to confront his stalker, stand his ground and defend himself, including by using his fists. We are told that this was entirely unjustified and by doing so, Martin justified his own execution.
That hardly seems fair doesn't it?

Creating postive changes

Out with the old & in with the new. 
Leaving the old house/life behind for new ones. 
Positivity of new environment/atmosphere...
It's been a long time coming and I am very excited for the changes that lie ahead for my son and I.  It's my life, our life and I know what is good for us.  Time for my son with Mom & our new life and time with his Dad in his life.  Good things to come!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Sick to my stomach thinking about my baby girl today!

As I sit here looking at pictures of our (my son and my) sweet puppy Coco, I am sickened to think what she suffered at the hands of my ex boyfriend.  Without a doubt, he was the reason, whether direct or indirect (pills on floor that she got) cause of having to put her down.  You have this tiny 5 1/2 pound innocent puppy that is totally fine when you leave (6:20 ish) and then you come home (7:30ish) to find your dog in the state I found ours in and having to put her down in the middle of the night?  It just doesn't add up!  She was left in the house with my alcoholic boyfriend who was drunk when we left & then drove himself to get more alcohol after we left.  Funny thing, he was jealous of that puppy!  She liked my son and I, but didn't like him.  A grown man, jealous of a dog?  Can  you imagine...just goes to show he's even crazier than I came to learn in time...

The road to divorce

As I have a friend starting out on the road to divorce, it takes me back to thinking about when I knew I was ready to start the process.  I didn't love my husband anymore, in fact I'm not 100% certain I ever did!  I almost didn't walk down the aisle, was crying to my Mom & sister about a week before the wedding and never should have done it!  The reason I did - plane tickets were bought for those coming in from out of town, the dress was bought, church, caterer, DJ, reception hall all booked, blah blah blah.  And how would I return all those gifts?  REALLY?!  THAT'S what you were worried about & so you got married?!  There were just so many things that didn't fit right and I did it anyways!  Can't regret it b/c I wouldn't have my beautiful son, but man...what a waste!  So many years wasted in what really was a loveless marriage.

As I've been listening to the lyrics to the Carrie Underwood song I just posted yesterday, it makes me think what a fool I was for marrying that man.  He was nothing like you'd wish for your child.  He didn't have drive or ambition to do things in life, he didn't care how far he went in life, he just wanted to be child free & able to have his time to play (fish, watch TV) and didn't want to do the work it would take to have nicer things in life or to move up.  I'm not saying it's about what you have by any means!  I am so learning that as my years go on.  For me - number one, it's love.  Love, respect, appreciation and attraction are the most important things.  I want a hard working man who knows how to take care of his, would do anything to stand up for you and has your back!  I never felt like my ex husband had my back.  Had told him that too.  He was a spineless man that was so dependent on others (his Mother and myself) and never grew into an independent man.  Just not what I want for myself, not the example I want for my son.  I was raised to be a very independent woman and I want that for my son!
A few that I found really interesting:
  • 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
  • 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
  • 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

  • Statistics on the Likelihood of Divorce

    If your parents are happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14 percent.

    People who wait to marry until they are over the age of 25 are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.

    Living together prior to getting married can increase the chance of getting divorced by as much as 40 percent.

    If you’ve attended college, your risk of divorce decreases by 13 percent.

    2008 voter data shows that “red” states (states that tend to vote Republican), have higher divorce rates than “blue” states (states that tend to vote Democrat).

    The Barna Research Group measured divorce statistics by religion. They found that 29 percent of Baptists are divorced (the highest for a US religious group), while only 21 percent of atheists/agnostics were divorced (the lowest).

    Divorce and Children Statistics

    The divorce rate among couples with children is 40 percent lower than couples without children.

    Seventy-five percent of children with divorced parents live with their mother.

    Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these children, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.'s the link to where I got these statistics on divorce 

    I am the vine, you are the branches

    This was the daily verse that I got emailed to me today.  It's so true!  Gotta stick with Jesus or you'll be lost and have nothing.  Always keep the faith!  Even when it seems like nothing is going right, we can't do it alone. 

    My horoscope today...

    My horoscope today…

    Go for the gold, Capricorn. Don't settle for less. There's an expansive energy on your side urging you on to prosperity in every aspect of your life. Take control of the situation and act on your emotions. Don't refrain from doing something because you think it's going to hurt someone's feelings. Other people can take care of themselves. You're responsible for you. Do what's best for your well-being.

    Tuesday, July 9, 2013

    Mama's Song - Carrie Underwood

    "Mama's Song"

    Mama, you taught me to do the right things.
    So, now you have to let your baby fly.
    You've given me everything that I will need.
    To make it through this crazy thing called life.
    And I know you watched me grow up,
    and only want what's best for me.
    And I think I found the answer to your prayers.

    And he Is good, so good.
    He treats your little girl,
    like a real man should.
    He is good, SO good.
    He makes promises he keeps.
    No, he's never gonna leave.
    So, don't you worry about me.
    Don't you worry about me.

    Mama, there's no way you'll ever lose me.
    Giving me away is not goodbye.
    As you watch me walk down to my future,
    I hope tears of joy are in your eyes.

    Cause, he is good, so good.
    And, he treats your little girl,
    like a real man should.
    He is good, SO good.
    He makes promises he keeps.
    No, he's never gonna leave.
    So, don't you worry about me.
    Don't you worry about me.

    And when I watch my baby grow up,
    I'll only want what's best for her.
    And I hope she'll find,
    the answer to my prayers.
    And that she'll say...

    He is good, so good.
    And he treats your little girl,
    like a real man should.
    He is good, SO good.
    He makes promises he keeps.
    No, he's never gonna leave.
    So, don't you worry about me.
    Don't you worry about me.

    Mama, don't you worry about me.
    Don't you worry about me.

    So lucky to be a Mom!

    Missing my little guy today!

    Missing this little face today & longing to hug him, kiss that soft cheek & tell him how much his Mama loves him! 

    This little boy is the light of my life, my reason for pushing on through these last two years & one of my main reasons for not staying in a loveless marriage!  I didn't want my sweet boy to think that's what marriage is!  He needs to see how a husband and wife should love one another, support one another and feel the love of a good, solid marriage!  I want him to have an example of how to be a great husband and father some day!  He certainly didn't have a good example for his first 6 years!  His father only stepped up to the plate once I'd told him I had gone to an attorney and was filing for divorce in the summer of 2011.  That's when he started doing one on one things with his son and now he wants to fight me for 50/50 custody?  It's been a year since the divorce was on the road to being final and then it was final at the end of August and that wasn't a concern back then, but now it's become such a big factor for him.  I'm at a loss...yes, kids need their Mom's and Dad's, but as it's been for over a year, his primary place is with me, his Mama!  The one who loved him before he was conceived, who wanted him before he was conceived & the only one in this marriage that wanted him once he was conceived!  I will never forget the conversation of me being ready for a baby in May 2004 & then in January 2005 when I told my ex that I was pregnant.  Shock and no excitement whatsoever.
    Love this little boy to the moon and back!  And twice around the sun...Would do anything for him!  give him the clothes off my back and the food from my plate.  Sing a song and make a fool of myself to make him smile!  I love my sweet boy and I just pray he knows how very deep that love goes!

    The wink that changed my life!

    Happy Winkanniversary Dave!  Two months ago today you were back & we started up what has been everyday since!  Funny to think that so many people meet their significant others now days on computer dating sites!  So glad you signed back up that day & winked or we'd of never found each other in this big big world!

    I love the way I feel when I'm with you, the way I miss you when I'm not with you, the father that you are, the way you interact with my son & I look forward to our life together!

    Friday, July 5, 2013

    Happy Birthday America!

    Happy 4th of July!  Zack won the drawing at one of the firework stands in town & won $200 of fireworks!  We shot off a total of like $350 worth of fireworks! was a good time though!