Wednesday, July 17, 2013

So much to think about

After seeing the papers my ex had drawn up, there is no way I'm signing over my rights to giving up my time with Tanner.  If I give up my time as I have it now, I'm never going to get it back!  He has told me he knows he needs to be with his Mama b/c I'm his Mama & I carried him in my belly.  I have been the one that has always been the main parent in his life.  Chad was never there when he was little and until just before I was on the road to divorce in 2011, he really didn't do much one on one with Tanner.  I think it was 2010 when we started doing Bunco & it was at that time that I would go out with the girls every once in awhile that he actually was having the one on one time with Tanner.  It finally started to where they were actually going and doing things and then having sleep overs once Chad moved to his Mom's. 

Tanner is such an outgoing kid, just like his Mama & Grandma Jo, that I know he will do great in Eudora!  He loved the school the day we went & checked it out and he got to go inside and see the school.  He even met the Principal from last year.  She's moving to the district office so will no longer be there, but she promised to look for him & to say hi when she comes over. 

He has so much fun when we are at the house, when the other kids are there too and when we were at the picnic a couple weeks ago he was gone and playing with the kids there.  I didn't hardly see him he was having such a good time!  He'd bring me a snowcone to hold every once in a while or tell me about what he was doing & that was about it.  He asked for a playdate with Branden (his Mom said he did too).  Just as I moved in 1st, 4th and 9th grade and had no problems fitting in and making new friends - Tanner will be just fine too! 

It's strange that he didn't care about getting 50/50 time a year ago, but now that I'm moving on with my life he is fighting me for it.  I guess he's just finally realized that Tanner is really at an age that is more enjoyable for him so he wants more time...He always said he didn't like the younger age/phases.

There are people talking about influences on Tanner...funny that smoking would be brought up as any kind of issue.  Chad & I both smoked and Tanner knows this. We both started smoking in high school, well maybe Chad was after in the Navy, I can't remember...Both of our Dad's smoked & Chad's niece and nephew had grown up around their grandpa smoking & it was OK for them.  Chad has friends that smoke & Tanner has been around that since he was born.  Chad's even got friends that smoke pot in their garages of their own homes WITH THEIR KIDS IN THEIR HOUSES! 

My son knows it's a bad habit, we talk about it all the time.  Dave will even tell you it's a bad habit and don't start.  He also knows it's no use to tell his own son he CAN'T smoke b/c as we all were at that age - you tell us we CAN'T do something & we're hell bent on doing it!  Tell him it's a terrible habit to start and don't do it, I wish you wouldn't do it, I wish I'd of never started it myself...yes.  We've both told him that! But he's going to find a way to get them (not from us buying them for him) and will do it regardless of what he's told. 

Funny b/c I guarantee you that these people would never say my Dad or Chad's dad were bad influences.  Mind you they both chain smoked, my Dad got a DWI at one time, I'd seen him drunker than a skunk and my ex father in law drank like a fish!  All he really ever drank was beer and coffee.   So if anyone is going to say that smoking makes you a bad role model, then they are saying that our Dad's were bad role models to their kids, grandkids etc.  Look at the world & what is out there  that our children see and hear everyday.  TV, music, movies...I know my ex and I are way more lenient on what we let Tanner watch than most!  Are we bad influences?  I can remember seeing Animal House & Blues Brothers in the movie theater with my dad!  I was watching Saturday Night Live on TV at Tanner's age!  Those were the days of Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, John Belushi, Bill Murray, Dan Akroid, Jane Curtain, Glida Raddner...HOLY SMOKES, that was so wholesome now was it!?

My funny how we are really not like sisters at all.  We're 6 years apart and the only time we were close was when we were little.  Helen moved out to college when I was in 5th grade.  Since having her own family she's not been around much.  Especially as the girls have gotten older & her husband keeps her to himself as much as he can.  He always has.  It's funny b/c he's really changed her too.  They think they are better than so many & were calling my husband and his family white trash after the wedding.  Didn't like my ex father in law b/c he smoked.  I can remember my birthday one year standing outside Olive Garden and my brother in law shooting daggers at David as we waited outside for something b/c he was smoking & talking.  They always were giving dirty looks at my ex husband too b/c of his laugh.  Like it was embarrassing for Jeff, my brother in law.  Well - my sister has taken things to a whole new level and is reaching out to my ex and talking badly about me.  The saying blood is thicker than water is not true from what I'm experiencing. 

If I'm not living my life to what's acceptable to her, it doesn't work.  Funny though, they never let the girls come to our first house and we didn't even get to have them spend the night for the first time until the twins were like 10!  CRAZY to think your sister thinks so little of you and your husband (at the time) to even let  her kids come around you...

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