Thursday, January 10, 2013

Feelin' Single...

This song comes on & it just takes me back to last May when I was back at the attorney and leaving my now ex husband.  The excitement of FINALLY being out of that marriage & on my own!  Even that I was not alone, having Brad, and single - I was loving this song!  For so long I was "trapped" in what for me really was a loveless marriage.  I never should have married that man, it really was b/c I felt my biological clock ticking at 28 & so I did it.  Then just before the wedding you have me crying to my Mom, sister, boss...a few friends.  I NEVER should have walked down that aisle!  What a waste of years...but I wouldn't have my son so I DO NOT regret having married him.  He didn't even want a baby & in Spring of 2004 when I told him I was ready to try for a baby, he said he was not.  Found out I was pregnant Jan 2005 and he was not excited AT ALL!   He was grossed out by me when I was pregnant and just not affectionate or anything of what I would have wanted for my spouse.  Wouldn't even come near me at the end when I was so horny.  How's that make a woman feel...ASSHOLE.  Anyways, he was so hands off with Tanner and didn't do anything much with him.  It was always Tanner and I and he really didn't seem to take a genuine interest in one on one time until around 5?  But boy he sure changed his tune when I told him I wanted a divorce in June 2011!  I saw all kinds of one on one time.  I think this divorce has actually benefited Tanner!  He gets more time with his dad now.  I thought it was all quality time, but sounds like he's still playing a lot of his video games and insisting they watch his movies rather than Tanner's.  He came home after Christmas saying they hadn't watching his new Ice Age movie but they watched the new Borne movie and new Batman movies my ex got.  It'll really be interesting when he finally moves out of his Mom's house & gets his own place!  He'll have to have 100% one on one time.
I was offering for him to have Tanner this weekend as the holiday's & my birthday last weekend have kept him from having a full weekend since Dec 8th.  Nope, he didn't want that.  LOSER...I said he could have him this AND next weekend, which is his anyways.  I don't have anything planned, but was willing to be nice & give up a weekend as Tanner was saying this was his Dad's weekend b/c he was with me last weekend. Once again, this man shows his true colors.  Funny how so many think he's this great guy.  Not so folks...not so. 
I am more in love with Brad than I EVER was with my husband!  We were together from June 1999 until May 2012.  CRAZY to think how much time I wasted in taht marriage!  I should have left years ago when I said I wanted a 2nd child and he didn't!  Now I'm 40 and may never get to have another b/c of the time I wasted staying in that marriage. 

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