Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love - To love somebody with no conditions or circumstances: to love completely This is what I have for you. No matter that things didn't work out the way they were "supposed too" or that you didn't prove to be what you said you were or would be. I can't help or stop my heart from loving you so. It's amazing the pull that love has on us and as one friend said to me "he got his hooks in deep".
You failed! Me, you, us...I know in my heart of hearts that you can't help that. It's the addiction to alcohol and it's got a far greater pull on you than any other love you may have. You have to cure that first, love yourself before you can love me the way I deserve to be loved. You can't be the person you have to be in order to be with me with your alcohol. The person you become, the person you became when you were drinking is not welcome in our home. He's not welcome in my life or that of my little boy. That man was angry, said hurtful things and didn't have happiness in his heart.

So how can I still say that I love you today? Because it's unconditional, I love you no matter what! I know that you know the alcohol is bad for you, hurts you and makes you the wrong kind of person. Without the alcohol you are funny, make me smile and you make me laugh.
You were raised in a home with people who did not treat you with the love, support, teachings, praise, compassion of any parents I've ever known. You were not taught about a loving supportive marriage. Instead you were taught how to cheat and lie from your father who found himself in prison for money laundering & whatever.  He didn't show you the hard work ethic that most men are taught from their fathers or male role models.  Your mother taught you how to mistreat others (from the way she treated your father, to herself out dating and trying to find someone to give her back the same financial freedom she'd had, bad mouthing her own mother and allowing her to live in filth and the way she enabled you and your brother. She was buying you beer and cigarettes before you were of age, leaving you all alone to party and do as they pleased while she was out trying to find love herself. And today, she still doesn't show you the love, respect, or support you the way a mother does a child. No child should endure the treatment you have for one day, let alone 39+ years.
I talk to you about forgiveness and you really need to dig deep...YOU have a choice to be a victim or to be a survivor through all that life has brought you. I hope you choose to be a survivor rather than the victim you've allowed yourself to be. Talk to someone, REALLY talk to someone and get some help on how to forgive and let go of the hurt and move on.  Turn to God and ask for peace in your heart. Ask him to help you forgive and to move on, to be the loving man that you are meant to be.

So even if you kick the alcohol addiction, you have a lot of stepping up to do! You have a lot to prove to show that you are ready to step up and BE THE MAN that you said you were. I need someone that is going to be honest with me (no more lying and hiding things, treat me with respect, love my son and respect him, respect my time with my son as a mother, help me teach him respect for his elders and those in authority out in the world. Speak kindly of others, pull your weight and work hard and be a part of our team. Sure, some of that is financial, but more than that - you have to be ready to show love, compassion, and support. You can't just sit around and watch as things are done around the house. There are things that have to be done when you own a home and they aren't going to just do themselves! Wishful thinking...Be ready to work. That is a long way down the road if it's ever to be able to happen again...This is my wish.  For you, for me, for us. 

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