Rise Up!

More than 2,000 people from The Second Baptist Church in Houston, TX, gathered at Discovery Green in the heart of Houston to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Change is kinda hard

I've been thinking I think that when you go through a divorce, it's almost like your married friends husband's don't want them hangin' around you.  One of my besties, husband's has become a little strange around me.  (Or at least I feel like that anyways, could totally just be me reading into it)!  I feel like he doesn't like me or like her hanging around me as much anymore.  Funny thing, another friend & I have joked about it b/c she's single too & we both say he doesn't want her hanging around us b/c we're bad examples!  HA...Anyways, really hate that.

Every year for Easter for the past I can't even tell you how many years 4 now?  We've done Easter Eggs together the night before Easter and this year they decided they are not going to be here.  I totally get the situation of why they aren't in town to some degree, but I also think that the way it's going down this weekend is just convenient.  Again, I feel like he's doing it too keep from having them hang with us.  Of course, he's got no desire to just be her, myself & the three kids.  Now that my ex husband is gone, he's got no reason to hang out with us. 
Then I was happy b/c I had plans for us with another friend & her boys, her husband was working late so she was happy for the plans too.  Welp, throw another monkey wrench in.  Her folks decided to come to town & they're going to her brother's so we're alone again...thinking I'll take him out to dinner, that's a favorite for him!  Maybe we'll even do Dave & Buster's!  Something really fun and special...And we're dying eggs tonight!  PRAYING I don't fall asleep & miss getting the eggs out!  HOLY SMOKES...I'm the only Easter Bunny to do it!  HA!
I am so happy to be out of my marriage though. When that love is gone, or really wasn't ever truly there  & you are not attracted to them, not something you want to stick around for ya know.  Not fair to either of you, or the child.
It just sucks for my son b/c he is like I am - does not like when the traditions change!  And for me, I don't think other people really get this.  We've had so many changes in the past year and now to have even more things changing, even little things like this...it's kind of a big deal.  I am really bummed b/c we've even gone to church with this family for the past several years and again, it's just going to be my son and I in the morning.  I think we're going to go ahead & go with my Mom and her husband to their church so we're not alone.  I am 100% OK being single - I just hate it for my son as he's not OK with it just being the two of us.  It's more fun when he gets to be with his Dad as they are never alone b/c my ex lives with his Mom & then his sister is 100% dependent on their Mom and never not at the house, which also means her two kids are always around.  So of course that's more fun than just hanging with your Mom ya know?
Gotta get this all out NOW before he gets home b/c once he gets home I don't want him to know that there is any part of me that is having a hard time with this!  If I'm OK, he's more likely to be OK. Just hard, these changes in life.  Especially when you sit here looking at your life thinking "this isn't where I'm supposed to be"!  I LOVE ME - I am 100% happy with me - I just want to find that love again though!  I have so much to give, I want to feel that love and I don't understand why people are telling me I need to take this time to be alone and really get to find myself.  I KNOW WHO I AM - I just spent 11 years with someone that I never should have!  That week before the wedding, I should have walked away as people were telling me too.  
I will say this to ANYONE with doubts before they walk down that aisle - DON'T DO IT!! I love my son and can't imagine my life without my sweet boy, but I tell ya staying in a marriage like I did, not worth it for the time that you miss really being in love & feeling the love that we all so deserve.  And respect...We all need to respect our partner and to be respected. 
OK so this totally took a strange turn in posts...
This Easter just sucks and I'm having a hard time with the changes!

 2009 - first year!

2010

2011

2012

Always be kind

Italian Chili by Gloria Flentje

Italian Chili by Gloria Flentje

2 lbs. Ground Beef or Ground Italian Sausage (I do a lb of each)
1 Onion, chopped
½ Green pepper, chopped (I use a whole)
1 Clove garlic, minced
½ Large bunch celery, including as many leaves as possible
1 Can (8 oz.) mushroom stems and pieces
1 Can (46 oz.) tomato juice
1 Can (28 oz.) crushed tomatoes
1 Pkg. (3 ½ oz. or more) sliced pepperoni (I use more)
1 Can (15 oz.) Garbanzo beans/Chick Peas (I use 2 cans bc we love these beans)
1 Tablespoon dried Oregano
1 Tablespoon dried Sweet Basil
¼ to ½ teaspoon hot pepper flakes

In 6-quart kettle, cook together ground beef, onion, green pepper and garlic until meat is no longer pink. Add chopped celery and sauté mixture until celery begins to be translucent. Salt and pepper to taste. Add remaining ingredients and simmer, stirring occasionally, until everything is tender and tasty, about 20 minutes. Makes 15 to 20 servings. May be made in advance, refrigerated and reheated. May also be frozen.

one simple way to stay happy...

It does feel good to let go...

Sad too b/c it's like I have given up on what he made it sound like we would be.  I have to remember that it wasn't going to be that, ever.  It couldn't be...he hadn't been the kind of man I need for quite some time.  I have to remember too that you can't change a person. I thougth though that I would be enough that he would want to change for me, but that can't happen either.  Not if that person doesn't really want the change for themself.  You have to want it to make it happen!  You're not going to do the work or put forth the effort if you don't really want it! 

So, in the end letting go was the only thing I could do b/c it was weighing me down.  The negativity that he had and projected out in every way, it was too much for me to bear.  It was bringing me down and that's not fair to me for such the happy and light perosn I've always been and definitely not fair to my son.  So, while I'm sad in some ways to have said goodbye, it's a door I should have left closed for both our sakes and this time it is closed for good.  Good luck and may you find the light and love that you so need in your life.  I will get mine back and keep on moving forward.  Each day the wounds heal a little more.

When I just saw this on FB, it was perfect for how it's felt for me to let go of this relationship and the negativity put off by my ex boyfriend that was seeping into me.

 

Oftentimes letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We let go and walk away not because we want the universe to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth. -

via: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/07/30/12-things-to-know-before-letting-go/

 

What if I never find that again?

I am having such a hard time coming to grips with the ending of this relationship. I guess to some degree b/c it was so freeing in ways after my marriage and woke something in me that I've never really experienced before. It was exciting! As he said in one of these voicemails...I stepped into the dark side. That's exactly what it seems like now looking back on it. He was so different (I had no idea) than anything I've ever been involved with before. For me the sexual experimentation and excitement was so much and so great, I'm afraid I'll never find that again! I wonder if it has something to do with as they say, women hit their sexual prime at 40! HA! He honestly was the best lover I've ever had. Everything was so intense and when he's telling me taht he's never loved anyone like he loved me, which others are telling me was just part of his game and that I was the only one in that commited relationship. I really don't know waht to believe. If he was lying, he really had me convinced! He made me feel like the most beautiful and special girl in the world. I was so happy and so proud to be on his arm and to be his "babygirl". Such a turn things took...I just wondrer if I'll ever have another relationship that is so exciting and passionate as what we had with another man. I sure hope so! I don't wanna settle for what I had in my marriage! OH GEEZ...yuck! Funny think, a friend was telling me her sister went down a similar road to mine! We get our freak on in that first relationship after a divorce! HA...I just want to be happy but to have amazing sex and to have so much fun together in the bedroom would be nice too! Life's too short & ya only live once...

 

                                            

A little Easter Bunny humor!

Nothing's gonna get me down

This road of life is full of twists, turns, bumps, and not so great times - but in the big scheme of things, we are pretty darn lucky! If you have a computer that you're reading this on or as I have a computer that I'm typing this on - not much we can complain about! Get out there & make your day a great day! Smile at a stranger & you may just make their day too!

I love old photos!

Someone sent this picture to my sister. It is one we'd never seen. Very cool!  Our dad is in the back corner on crutches, and one of our Uncles in the middle front. 

When one door closes...

Focus on the present, not yesterday or tomorrow. As Helen Keller once said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

- via: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/05/29/12-common-causes-and-proven-cures-for-unhappiness/

Pray for peace

 

 

 

 

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

de·ceit·ful

/diˈsētfəl/

Adjective (of a person) Deceiving or misleading others, typically on a habitual basis. Intended to deceive or mislead.

Synonyms deceptive - false - fraudulent - delusive - lying You are a deceitful son of a bitch!  I am shocked at how much I believed you when you told me you'd never loved any girl like you loved me. I was SO STUPID and believed it! How did I ever think this was going to work?  As a friend pointed out to me, he didn't care that I was married.  I think back to those first communications & he started crossing the line right away with some of what he was saying and asking me.  I remember telling him I was married and had a child and couldn't talk about stuff like that and it was crossing a line. Then curiousity came in and I started up the conversation again.  Once the feelings became more than friends, I went back to attorney to finish up with my divorce as I'd started in summer of 2011.  It was fun in the beginning, I felt so free and really felt like we connected and were totally meant for each other. He saw that I was a trusting, naive girl and worked it to his full advantage.  I fell for everything!  Told him to quite his job, move in with me, he'd get a job here.  You have to be living here to get a job I said, you can't interview from down there.  You can't get an apartment when you don't have a job.  he had NO money when he came here, I was supporting us 100% by myself.  I put myself further in debt with him here.  Buying him clothes, $80 bottle of cologn, hotel rooms, incurred more debt with the attorney b/c it made my ex husband mad and he then got his own attorney.  I WAS SINKING and he was doing NOTHING to try to help me.  Sat there watched me falling apart...that is not love! So to think that this person would be willing to try & start up a relationship with a married woman - that should have been a BIG SIGN right there that he is not a good person.  Not the person I want to be with.  He woke smoething in me that had never been awakened before and then I truly became a different person.  I am so lucky things did not go down a different way, I could have lost EVERYTHING!  And I mean EVERYTHING... my house, my son, my family, my friends, my job.  I am sickened today as I think about what I saw where he was reaching out and making contact to girls in Nov. when he was back in Oklahoma all while talking and texting me and missing me and loving me and blah blah blah...LIES - ALL EFFING LIES  That's all that has come out of your mouth this whole relationship!  Before we were even together, you told me you had an ex wife, 4 year old daughter, a dog - all lies!  Tiffany (your ex wife) got the house, had a credit card for Trinity's (daughter) needs but that she often used it for herself to buy $200 bottles of perfume.  You were on a cell phone plan with her still b/c it was easier.  A dog that you don't even have, you were missing it so much, but would never take it from your daughter.  I'd call you all day & get no answer and when you'd finally answer you'd say you were working as most people do.  BULLSHIT - you hadn't been working for over a year I think you later told me!  LIES LIES LIES.  Your ex sister in law telling me you woudlnt' even walk to work at your Dad's office up the street from your apartment b/c you thought you were too good to walk.  SHOCKED at what a DUMBASS I was!  Even after she was filling me on you beating up some other girlfriend (never saw any charges there) I brought you back!  Even though I was terrified for what you might do to our sweet puppy during the day, and what you had done to my cat that had her freaked out in June - I let you stay and continued to love you and honestly - now when I look back on this, I was putting you above my son.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?  WHO HAD I BECOME?  What was love for me was a game for you and boy did you play me.  You knew exactly what you were doing and you knew you had me!  Well no more, I now see who you are and that this was all a game to you.  I was the latest victim in your game.  I pray there are no more.  I still wish you no ill will, but I hope you can see that you need help!  You can't go through life living off your Mom or other people.  You can't threaten people, and say what you want to hurt people.  It's just not right!  It's not how this world works. I feel like a real ass today as things have been brought to light for me.  I am shocked, and again, that just shows my naivety.

I wish you enough

This can be said for so many people and relationships in life.  I just love it! 
"I wish you enough!"©
By Bob Perks
I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.
I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.
I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.
Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.
But I learn from goodbye moments, too.
Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.
So I knew what this man experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he
were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."
He then began to sob and walked away.

My friends, I wish you enough!
by
Bob Perks

A peaceful, joyful heart!

I choose to have a peaceful heart!  A joyful heart!  I will not have a hateful heart full of fear, regret, anger...anything that weighs me down!  I will walk through my life with a smile on my face, knowing that God is by my side if I just have faith and believe in him!  I will do good, I will make peace, I will always try to remember to look for the best in people and situations. 

May you find peace and happiness

This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

 

I pray that you find peace, that you are able to close the doors behind you and just look forward.  Leave the hate behind and let your heart heal.  You can't change people and change the wrongs that have been done to  you.  You also have to accept the wrongs that you have done and take responsibility for the actions you have done.  I only wish the best for you in life, and that you can find happiness in your heart, REAL HAPPINESS.  Let go of the hate, negativity and anger.  As I keep telling my son, we never wish ill will on anyone, we only wish that they get the help that they need and are able to find happiness. 

No one can find that happiness for you, you've gotta dig deep and find it within yourself! 

 

 

 

 

forgiveness

Holding onto anger and grudges isn't hurting anyone but yourself.  It's certainly not bothering the other guy like it is you.  LET IT GO.

Peace, love and harmony...do your part!

No room for racism!  No room for hate! Get over yourself, we are all one people taht God created.  No one person race, color, religion better than another.  Help each other out and make a difference!  We only have one chance here & we only have one earth.  Make it count!

Such a rewarding day!

I've started volunteering for an animal shelter this past week & went for my first time yesterday!  AMAZING!  I would love to bring all kinds of animals into my home to help, but that's just not possible!  So...what's the next best thing I can do to help?  Volunteer my time and give love and care to these sweet fur babies & help them find their forever homes!  I met some great ladies yesterday too while working this event. 

So fun to see some of the families that came to Petsmart went on down to the shelter & found THEIR new family member since we didn't have them with us!  What a great day yesterday was!  21 dogs found their forever homes!  YAY!! 

 

 

 

 

 

My journey through life is gonna a positive one!