Friday, March 29, 2013

What if I never find that again?

I am having such a hard time coming to grips with the ending of this relationship. I guess to some degree b/c it was so freeing in ways after my marriage and woke something in me that I've never really experienced before. It was exciting! As he said in one of these voicemails...I stepped into the dark side. That's exactly what it seems like now looking back on it. He was so different (I had no idea) than anything I've ever been involved with before. For me the sexual experimentation and excitement was so much and so great, I'm afraid I'll never find that again! I wonder if it has something to do with as they say, women hit their sexual prime at 40! HA! He honestly was the best lover I've ever had. Everything was so intense and when he's telling me taht he's never loved anyone like he loved me, which others are telling me was just part of his game and that I was the only one in that commited relationship. I really don't know waht to believe. If he was lying, he really had me convinced! He made me feel like the most beautiful and special girl in the world. I was so happy and so proud to be on his arm and to be his "babygirl". Such a turn things took...I just wondrer if I'll ever have another relationship that is so exciting and passionate as what we had with another man. I sure hope so! I don't wanna settle for what I had in my marriage! OH GEEZ...yuck! Funny think, a friend was telling me her sister went down a similar road to mine! We get our freak on in that first relationship after a divorce! HA...I just want to be happy but to have amazing sex and to have so much fun together in the bedroom would be nice too! Life's too short & ya only live once...

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