Reading on the internet, I came across a story of a man who's mother was an alcoholic & he's getting advice from Deepak Chopra. I love what one person sent in as a response to his story and the advice given to that man by Deepak Chopra. Their post said this:
I would be VERY careful of interpreting someone else`s dysfunction as being in any way your "choice" from a past life. Notice that the wise Mr. Chopra doesn`t speak of it like this. He speaks of a higher intelligence that guides us towards awakening and growth. I speak to you as an abuse survivor. The influence of our parents on us is so great that when we`re given destructive parents, it`s our special challenge in life to overcome their influence. This, I feel, is the awakening and growth that you can find in your family situation. The dysfunctional behavior of others isn`t our responsibility. We must accept that there are those who will never awaken to their destructive behaviors. In my experience, few abusers (including alcoholic abusers, like your mother) recognize their abuse within their hearts. In other words, they don`t FEEL they`ve done anything wrong because they can always justify to themselves why they did what they did. If they don`t feel they`ve done something wrong, they don`t see that there`s anything to change, and so they won`t change. As the wise Mr. Chopra says, those of us from dysfunctional families must honor the strength we showed in making it through our past. We must face the fact that we can`t heal a destructive relationship with those who don`t see their own destruction. I personally have chosen to cut ties with my abusers as their psychological problems prevent them from even recognizing that they`re abusers. That was 10 years ago and it was painful, but I couldn`t have known the empowerment and inner peace that I know today by clinging to the hope that I could somehow heal the relationship. Like the wise Mr. Chopra says, we must become our own nurturers and protectors. You can`t nurture yourself if you cling to the belief that you can heal a relationship where the other person doesn`t even see that they`ve done anything wrong. You can`t protect yourself if you put yourself in the path of a destructive person who doesn`t even recognize that she`s destructive. You can`t make her change what she`s doing; only she can do that. But I tell you from bitter experience, and I know it`s painful to hear, we must accept that there are those who will never see that they`re destructive and we must move on. Think of all the beautiful energy you waste on your destructive mother that you could be giving to yourself and others. Blessings, Rainbow
This is amazing and so true! I went in and highlighted what I so agreed with from my own experiences in life. It's took me awhile to understand this and I tried for so long to change and make my last relationship what I so hoped it could be. But when one of you has an addiction to alcohol it's not going to happen. I have to move on for myself and leave the destructive behavior and negativity behind for the sake of my own well being and that of my son. It was exhausting and it put me into a depression that I've never expereienced before. I pray that he will truly look at himself and get help for himself for the right reasons. But you can't help people when they truly don't see that they have a problem and don't want the help.
This is the link where I got "Rainbow's" repsonse: https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/view/651/why_we_have_our_parents