Friday, December 7, 2012

Day 37

Today I am thankful that I am SINGLE...just me.  Me, me, me...Yesterday a friend said to me "You look SOOOOO much better!  You have that spunk back in you.  You're getting back to that old Holly.  It's good to see".  Yes - I feel more like myself again too!  I am so happy...I was happy in the beginning & then things got so stressful & just kept going downhill from there.  It was my fault in the way things went down and I can't blame anyone for Chad's reactions except for myself.  I realize that now, but I had so much anger built up at him for "what he was doing to me, to us".  I now realize it was not his fault!  He was trying to protect our son from what he saw as a dangerous 
There was so much stress & more depressed Brad was getting, the more it was taking a toll on me & stressing me out.  He was having a harder time sleeping so he was drinking more.  He later told me he got depressed after the whole first job deal fell through & then just went into a depression where he would just wake up & look out the window.  He wasn't trying to get a job.  It took a real toll on me, took it's toll on Tanner too and everyone around me the amount of stress and tension that was everywhere.

Funny though b/c I really did hold a lot in.  When my Mom and I were at the courthouse last week she said there was so much that she didn't know about.

It's a new day...I'm here in MY house enjoying MY life with MY son and OUR pets! 

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