Thursday, December 27, 2012

nothing hurts more...

Funny how you go into things thinking they're going to be so amazing and you are hopeful and expecting the best.  But I think deep down you know you're going about it the wrong way.  Yet you do it anyways b/c you want it that much!  When something starts like that, I think there really is nothing good to come from it.  I'm talking about the way I brought Brad into Kansas CIty.  It was not his idea to quite his job (which I've not found out he wasn't even working) and to just move in with me.  It was MY idea.  I have to make sure people understand that b/c it was ME pushing him to do it.  Let's take the leap and give it a go!  If we're really going to see if this works, move to Kansas City & get a job.  Granted I was suggesting he get an apartment and he turned it into "I'll be in a place where I don't know anyone, and looking for a job so I won't really have money to pay for an apartment".  Then it got me on the, yea and we won't really KNOW if we are good together if we're not living together.  DUMBASS...The divorce was going smoothly and I had to go and rock the boat didn't I?!  Started a full on war and cost myself a lot of money!  But, it's good that I am where I am today, it's good that everything has happened to Brad b/c now I do think he truly KNOWS he has a problem and is going to get help.  Sometimes hitting rock bottom is the best thing for us.  But, it sure did hurt/does hurt, being hurt by the one person you thought would never hurt you.  Live and learn...and never have regrets!  It's because of where we've been that we are where we are today! 

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